I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
