All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
