It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And then my night got REAL pukey
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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