Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
