new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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