Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
