FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
