i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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