He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
