I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
