You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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