you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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