What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
