his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
