Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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