we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
