if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
