like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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