You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
