I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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