you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
