dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
