he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
