He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
