I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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