Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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