So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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