i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
