so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
