I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
