I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
