shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize