Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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