need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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