1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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