One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
