Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
