He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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