i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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