Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
