I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
whose ass print is on the piano?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
