First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
