i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
