The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
