why didn't you poke me back
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
