Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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