dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
