Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
