he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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