I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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