it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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