You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
