she woke up with a sticky ear
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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