Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
