So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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