I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
