make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
