it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
