the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
