So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize