I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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