How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
