The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
