She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
