I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize