All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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