I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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