So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
