he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sarcasm needs its own font
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
