I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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