Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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