I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
