the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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