Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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