omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
