Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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