im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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