If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
