I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
