Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
