well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
